(Ahem...even though I think this is self-evident, I just thought I should preface this post with a disclaimer: under no circumstances am I endorsing any of the actions I outline here. This post is an amateur writing effort meant for entertainment purposes only. I am being facetious. Don't try any of this at home.)
Geotiling: the arrangement of paper squares into a spherical shape.
But because geotiling itself is a bit of a blase process, one that can't really be represented well in text, I decided to mix this post - and the whole geotiling experience - up a little and describe...
Extreme Geotiling: making a big, colourful ball out of squares cut out of card paper! Infinitely more fun than regular geotiling! BOO YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Step 1: Find a space! Make a space!
You can't just geotile in your bedroom. Bedrooms are not extreme. Lure like...a bear or a cougar into your room. Bears and cougars are extreme!
Step 2: Pick your music!
If it was written and produced before the 90s by someone other than Paul McCartney, you're probably on the right track. If it was written in Eastern Europe or Russia, it's even better! Heavy metal is infinitely more extreme when there's screaming in a foreign language!
Step 3: Turn up the music!
If it's too loud, it's not loud enough.
Step 4: Get your supplies!
Get some coloured card paper with squares drawn on them, and then cover those papers with extreme doodles and extreme colours and maybe firecrackers or something.
Step 5: Cut out the squares!
With a sword!
Step 6: Choose the centre piece!
There's no extreme way to do this. Oh, no, wait - there is: put one of each of the coloured squares into a tank with a poisonous snake, and reach your hand in to draw one out at random.
Step 7: Make the first triangle!
Pick two other colours using the same extreme method described above. Do not try to use the poisonous snake. Attach the squares using the slits along each corner. Slide the longer slits into the shorter slits. Head bang while you do this and scream...a lot.
When you're finished, you should have something that looks like this except, you know, more extreme:
Step 8: Make a pentagon!
Grab the other two colours and fit them to the other two pieces you just attached. The result will be a pentagon shape.
Take a break now to go and apologize to your neighbours for the noise. Just because you're being extreme, doesn't mean you can't be courteous.
Step 9: START BUILDING!
Remember not to let two of the same colours touch. The starting pentagon will allow you to map out your next move.
Dance break! Jump around a little bit! Yell at the top of your lungs! Recite Samuel L. Jackson's monologue from Pulp Fiction!
Step 10: MAKE MORE PENTAGONS!
The pentagon pattern will allow you to keep your geotile organized!
Step 11: REPEAT THE STEPS ONE MORE TIME!
And connect the last square to the top of the sphere! DUDE! IT'S A BALL MADE OUT OF SQUARES!
Step 12: Take a lot of photos with the geotiling assignment!
(For regular geotiling, just do exactly as I've outlined here without any wild animals or loud music.)
Extreme Geotiling: making a big, colourful ball out of squares cut out of card paper! Infinitely more fun than regular geotiling! BOO YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Step 1: Find a space! Make a space!
You can't just geotile in your bedroom. Bedrooms are not extreme. Lure like...a bear or a cougar into your room. Bears and cougars are extreme!
 |
| Polar bears are especially vicious. |
Step 2: Pick your music!
If it was written and produced before the 90s by someone other than Paul McCartney, you're probably on the right track. If it was written in Eastern Europe or Russia, it's even better! Heavy metal is infinitely more extreme when there's screaming in a foreign language!
Step 3: Turn up the music!
If it's too loud, it's not loud enough.
Step 4: Get your supplies!
Get some coloured card paper with squares drawn on them, and then cover those papers with extreme doodles and extreme colours and maybe firecrackers or something.
 |
With a sword!
 | |
| Make sure you cut the slits completely and accurately. |
Step 6: Choose the centre piece!
There's no extreme way to do this. Oh, no, wait - there is: put one of each of the coloured squares into a tank with a poisonous snake, and reach your hand in to draw one out at random.
 |
| The Black Mamba is one of the most poisonous snakes in the world. |
Step 7: Make the first triangle!
Pick two other colours using the same extreme method described above. Do not try to use the poisonous snake. Attach the squares using the slits along each corner. Slide the longer slits into the shorter slits. Head bang while you do this and scream...a lot.
When you're finished, you should have something that looks like this except, you know, more extreme:
Step 8: Make a pentagon!
Grab the other two colours and fit them to the other two pieces you just attached. The result will be a pentagon shape.
Take a break now to go and apologize to your neighbours for the noise. Just because you're being extreme, doesn't mean you can't be courteous.
Step 9: START BUILDING!
Remember not to let two of the same colours touch. The starting pentagon will allow you to map out your next move.
Dance break! Jump around a little bit! Yell at the top of your lungs! Recite Samuel L. Jackson's monologue from Pulp Fiction!
Step 10: MAKE MORE PENTAGONS!
The pentagon pattern will allow you to keep your geotile organized!
Step 11: REPEAT THE STEPS ONE MORE TIME!
And connect the last square to the top of the sphere! DUDE! IT'S A BALL MADE OUT OF SQUARES!
Step 12: Take a lot of photos with the geotiling assignment!
(For regular geotiling, just do exactly as I've outlined here without any wild animals or loud music.)
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